Where I am now

Hay all. well its the middle of August 2012 now. I have been in the hospital since July 16th. First off I had a real bad gastric bleed that required 8 units of blood to over come. Since then, I am still in the hospital recovering cause I developed a very bad case of MERSA. As of now I am told I will be ready for discharge on August 30th. But in all honestity, I am very very ready for discharge right now.

Wow... A lot has changed

A lot has changed in the 2 years since my last post. So I plan to keep this new post short, and over the next few days add new posts with details and what not of the new changes to my Life and family in Second Life.

Day Nine Report on L-1107 (Laura) (Part 2)

(These daily reports have intentionally left in the Banished ones own words, so everyone will truly know who wrote it, and whos thoughts they are...)

Last words from L-1107, later that nigth on day 9 L-1107 was released by her controler, and Laura did seek out, seeking for her famaly that she did miss so and love somutch.she did allmosut feel like an stranger but she did soon realize that she was moust welcome home .

I did have good and bad days as an bane, sometimes it was real hard to be ignored by my fatefull friends at the end i did feel like that i was not welcome but that is the point to, a bane is not to be spoken to she is just to be ignored ..
I know now that i will not have to been able to to this for that long whitout Mistress Giri and Tina´s support they did give me the support i needed and they aloso did the ignoring part werry well :) so Thanks Mistress Giri and Tina whitout you to i will not have been able to go bane for 83 houres .
At the time i askd for this i did feel werry submisive and i did hope that been locked in this way was going to make me an better switch but rigth now i feel that it dident help, I feel even more submisive than before , ithink i did realize what mistress can to to me if she wants, and i love that feeling I trust my Mistress 100% and i know that iam in goodhands .
Did i like been Banished ? Guess i did it was not always fun but after i was released and have a litle time to look back i can say whit my hand on my heart that i realy did love it, my Mistress did an exelent job whit me she did nothing wrong , so Thank you again Mistress Giri!
If i will go bane again ? I think i will if Mistress want me to be a bane but i dont think i will ask for it like i did.. Like i did say i trust my Mistress 100% so i will have no problems doin this again, but i will never go bane whit someone that i dont trust in the same way that i do whit mistress that will be totaly wrong for me.
I dont think i can give any good tips how to go bane and have an good time, think the onley thing i can say about it you will need someone that You trust 100% and not some one that you think can be trusted, when you have that you are ready to go.. and the rest you have to figure out your self, dont think it will be easy or fun all the time, when you are an bane you are alone in the big world noone is suposed to make contact whit you, so you have to just make the best out of it youreself

Anyway.. L1107 is gone and Laura is back, and I can look back on this whit a smile whit just good memories, for me this have been the best lock up ever it was werry mixed and wird but it was good for me .. I hink and hopes that everyone that knows laura is happy to see her back but i think one day laura will be gone and L1107 will sneek out form that grave i made for her but when and how l ong i dont know.
So is this the final word form me about Bane and L1107 i dont know, im sure i will be back oneday
Have fun everyone and paly safe !!

Laura

Day Nine Report on L-1107 (Laura)

(These daily reports have intentionally left in the Banished ones own words, so everyone will truly know who wrote it, and whos thoughts they are...)

Day 9 I think

I have mixed feelings about bane now.. dont know what iam doing. Today Mistress wanted to give back my hearing iam deaf atm but i did say no Mistress onely wants to make L1107 live alitle bit easyer.. and i ahve been feeling like that iam not wanted around thats has been hard
but its just me noone has told me that iam not wanted around.. I know that Mistress worries about me,That onley shows that she cares alot, and Iam werry happy for that So Thank you Mistress Iam so prode to be youre Bane..

But i keep telling her that iam ok and i can do anoter day, the truth is that i just think iam doing OK iam not sure anymore wird things happends now i get easy upset over nothing, have that stupid feeling that iam not wanted that i knowis totaly wrong but still i have it..

But this day has been good have been speaking to mistress alot and thats keep me going ..

I do realy miss laura now, hope L1107 will be buried soon so that laura can return whit her smile, she will make an nice grave stone for L1107 so that 1107 will never be forgotten.

Day Eight Report on L-1107 (Laura)

(These daily reports have intentionally left in the Banished ones own words, so everyone will truly know who wrote it, and whos thoughts they are...)

Day 8

Today i dont have much on my mind so i will keep this short.. I have been walking around alone looking at peapol playing and having fun or what ever thay do, dont know what to say ..

anyway iam doing werry well its not easy but its not hard doing nothing hihi, I think i have learnd to live this way now after the "flip out" that i did have every thing has been a litle easyer guess iam accepted what L1107 is and that iam ok whit it

Have an nice day !

Day Seven Report on L-1107 (Laura)

(These daily reports have intentionally left in the Banished ones own words, so everyone will truly know who wrote it, and whos thoughts they are...)

Day Seven !

Greetings.. I will not say mutch about this day it has been ok and iam feeling better guess i can say it's ok or something like that, its not mutch i can do as a bane so i dont have so muth on my mind ..

But i will trye to set some words on the paper or the screen about what did happend yesterday..
well iam not sure what did happend,did feel werry bad nothing did help every thing was just bad
guess that i did realize what an bane realy is.. and sometimes i realy hates it think yesterday was oneof that days, today i enjoy it a litle , nothing is realy bad or realy good is in the middle.

I did know that this not was going to be easy, but i dont think i did realize how hard this was going to beas bane L1107 is alone iam just an object noone is supposed to talkto me look at me or anything so it all up to L1107 what she want todo so i guess if i say that the life of L1107 suck big time, I suck too 99% of life bane or not bane is what you make out if youreself .. so i guess i did suck yesterday :)

well i think i did larn a thing or two yesterday, and i thinks and hopes that the next days will be better, and i want to say iam sorry for what did happend it was not fun at all .. but it halps to talk about it..

Giri on Bane

A lot of people want to try to be a BANE, myself included. However, as controller of L-1107 I can easily see how it is affecting her, it is changing her, it is hard. She has been struggling with this for the last several days and I have seen the degradation of her personality as it has happened. If you do think you want to go and be a Isolated Banished person, I strongly and deeply implore you to reconsider, it is a very hard and difficult thing when done correctly.

Giri

Day Six Report on L-1107 (Laura)

Today has been very hard on me as controller. I can easily see L-1107 is having difficulties, and have taken measures to help her some. As her Mistress I want to grab her, hold her, and comfort her, but as her controller I cant, she has been sentenced to a period of time, and she will do it. However, I am not cruel, i have made changes to help her, and if i have to I am prepared to end this at the point I think it is becoming harmful, we are not there yet.
Giri

(These daily reports have intentionally left in the Banished ones own words, so everyone will truly know who wrote it, and whos thoughts they are...)

Day 6

This day had not been good at all , dont know why . be for i did realy enjoy been banished but something that i dont have words for did happen
this day has been werry bad so bad that Mistress wanted to release me but i did say NO, i dont want to be released not yet.. but iam not sure what is the best thing atm , rigth now i hate been L1107 i can use my safe word ind i will be free .. but if i do it dont think i will be so happy whit my self..

Mistress has done nothing wrong here, iam werry happy about how she has done this and she tryes her best to support me at anytime , but today i dont think i have told her or anyone how i realy feel ..I realy want out but at the same time i dont want out wird ?

My werry good friend Tina do allso have my key, we have been talking OOC about how i feel ,she wants to release me.. know she onely wants the best for me ...

This is hard on me dont knowing what i want, one thing is sure i will NERVER go bane again this is something you do 1 time and remembers for the rest of the life..

Day Five Report on L-1107 (Laura)

(These daily reports have intentionally left in the Banished ones own words, so everyone will truly know who wrote it, and whos thoughts they are...)

Day 5

This is starting to get to me now.. I get verry easy upset and angry, today I started yelling at my friends and Mistress for nothing, i dont like when this happends and i dont know why it happends, Iam real sorry for what did happend ..

Today i was out walking L-1107 did run in to an old friend one of the first one i got in SL she was shocked to see me like this iam not the girl that is locked longterm .. dont thinks she did like what she did see that did hurt a litle that is an think i have to makeup for when Laura returns ..

but i doing the best i can , just hoping that things did happend to me its getting a litle boring, I miss the leash ,cages and stuff like that been commanded around ..

But as L-1107 i will not ask for things like this, its all up to the famaly what they want todo,

Day Four Report on L-1107 (Laura)

(These daily reports have intentionally left in the Banished ones own words, so everyone will truly know who wrote it, and whos thoughts they are...)

Day 4

Dont know what to say .. I can say it's boring .. do L-1107 get bored ? dont know anymore .. I know things are happening around me but atm i dont understand so mutch of it.

Days are getting harder , i get easy upset over nothing but i dont complane about it , Iam still enjoing this.. but not in the way is started then its was moust fun and a litle scary, but anyway i know i can do it.. iam in lack of words today , i dont have anything on my mind atm ... hope it will be better just hope that , but i dont know what i want and waht will happend, not sure if i care .. the onely thing i know and iam waiting is the day when laura returns, That sweet litle girl ..

Iam not smiling as mutch as usual , how can i smile? .. when noone looks at me talks to me just feeling like an outsider left alone ..

But still doing well, i think , gues i will feel wors every day from now.. I know sweet old laura will be back oneday, that is wat keeping me from not going insane :)..

Well have fun everyone .. L1107 will be back whit an smile

Day Three Report on L-1107 (Laura)

(These daily reports have intentionally left in the Banished ones own words, so everyone will truly know who wrote it, and whos thoughts they are...)

Day 3

This day has not been that easy as day 1 and 2.. I realy do enjoy been locked and isolated in this way .. but iam feeling that iam doing somethig wrong, I think i did hurt someone.. and that bugs me alot ..

iam doing ok, just did hope that i dident feel this way .. but i did realize something last nigth, all the small things like mouselock and the leash... Mistress did leash me and that did make me feel much closer and less than an outsider that L-1107 is , That nigth i realy wanted to stay longer but RL and my bed was calling for me..

well dont have so mutch on my mind today ..just hope that iam not pushing my friends away doing this..

To Bane or not to be - Blogpost by a family member

To bane or not to be - Blogpost by a family member

WHAT IS THIS THING?!!! Being bane! What is this immense madness that has descended upon us. Banishment! Being banished. To choose isolation in a world where interaction is the goal would at a first glance seem to be counterproductive. Interaction is what makes us log onto Second Life instead of watching TV. We thrive for building networks... We live our "second life" to interact!

Having family members who - with no prior notice - went "bane" initially made me boil with frustration. Then fume with anger. And finally today cold acceptance. I reckon that these feelings are mostly fuelled by my own selfishness.

Frustration. - why oh why? I felt deprived of something precious. And something that makes me log on each day. Learning the terms and length of the sentences, it seems almost impossible to live through. Disbelief and agony. To have to look at - and be in the presence of - two of the persons I care for and love ... And not be able to be with them as my equals.

Anger - I want this person to deal with ME! - not to hover about on a cloud. Like a ghost! Who are they to choose to do without me! Without anyone for that sake. Why did I not have a say in this?... Gaaa. How could they? How could they be so .... selfish? How can I be so selfish to crave them to be present?

Acceptance - life goes on At terms with initial responses. Long way to go and no need sulking. And sooner or later, they will need someone to be there for them. That someone will be I. They chose to go bane - so be it. Mistress is not letting them off the hook, that thing is certain, so best make the best of it

To answer the opening question of this entry "what is this thing?", we need to go way back. Through history, people have for some reason or the other chosen to voluntarily live in celibacy and isolation. Sarah MacDonald describes in the book "Holy cow - an Indian adventure" a stay at a buddhist monastery (chapter 5 - suitingly titled "Insane in the membrane"). Ten days straight, talking prohibited. She describes this treatment in the very first line of the chapter as a "brain enema".

Later she somewhat gives a reason for submitting to this: After handing in my passport, my diary, my book and my pens, I'm giving the only thing I can read for ten days: the rulebook and schedule. Over the next week I'll study the pamphlet as much as the princess in "Still Life with Woodpecker" contemplates the Camel cigarette packet. Yet it won't speak to me in the same way - I won't see alien life forms, or secret messages, just a way of life I never thought I'd embrace

.... just a way of life I thought I'd never embrace.

As with a short time in a monastery, so is bane'ing. something SO far away from real life - as it possibly can be. Though a stay at the monastery is submission to a discipline self imposed at each time, banishment is submission to an externally imposed physical and social discipline. Whether it is self-ordered or no is irrelevant. It is imposed either by the dogma that is a monastery or an irremovable suit.

A hot topic right now is "augmented reality", to mix human interaction with computer generated data - a scientific term for cyborgism. We add our personality to an avatar and encode it with a computer. We send all of this through a network of servers and it is all decoded by a computer and ultimately by the person in the other end. Vice versa, we receive other avatars' encoded personalities which we decode. The computer is a blurring filter to our "selves" through this complex system of codings and decodings.

Everytime there is a coding/decoding lies the possibility of a data loss. And when a lot of what is communicated are feelings that can be hard enough to express in the real world, we are inheritly born handicapped in this our "Second Life".

Well - I guess banes are on the pinnacle of this augmental revolution, selectively abandoning substantial liberties given by technology. Choosing to go handicapped in a handicapped world.

- This rest is silence.

(No need to sign this - those who need to know knows. )

Day Two Report on L-1107 (Laura)

Well the second day of L-1107's ordeal has passed, she is a delight to monitor, but I can se the isolation beginning to work on her. L-1107 was once a very verbal speaking pet, (L-1107 before being isolated was openly shy, but with those she trusted, not very shy at all), I can see her starting to withdraw and reflecting on her own thoughts. She has quickly learned to convey thoughts with extremely simple physical action emotes. (When she first became isolated, she was one of a vast number of Residents that didnt even know how to emote.) While the emotes have given her a tiny ability to be seen and maybe understood, its a vast difference from what she was before being submerged into her own walking prison of isolation.

I'll keep you updated
Giri

(These daily reports have intentionally left in the Banished ones own words, so everyone will truly know who wrote it, and whos thoughts they are...)

Day 2

This day did start real good, when L-1107 did wake up at her station this mornig , she got an present from Mistress, an gasmask this mask can be werry evil If mistress want it to be .. and L1107 has no control over the mask well she has no control at all atm..

the day has been good sofar, its quied and no stress at all that i love whit isolation,but thehard part will be looking at my werry good friends having fun at the sideline , i dont think that is an thing i will get used too, but then again think thats is allabout isolation ... Why iam doing this have been suby , and iam still feeling werry suby .. but i have been thinking a litle iam been selfish too ? her iam locked and blocked form the outworld .. me and one of my werry best friends here in sl have been planing an RP for weeks and we did have an exelent time togetter, and igo and trur myself in to an object , wit out telling her or anyone els about it Just me and Mistress , So iam sorry for that ... but at that time it did feel so rigth todo this ..

One day i will be back as laura and then we will catch up for lost time , but for now i have to fihinih what i did start .

and the last thing Been isolated is still wird and iam doing mutch better than i did think ..

Day One Report on L-1107 (Laura)

(Updated)
When I secured and locked L-1107 into her isolation suit today, I felt a pinge of envy, and fear. I know it will be hard on her, and in turn on me. I know she will feel isolated, and then she will begin to cling to any contact she can get. That means me, her controller, her only remaining link with anything/anyone that is not in her own head. It will be my job to both make sure she gets the full experiece that she is expecting and to monitor her and be sure she doesnt go over the edge because of the experience.

These words are taken straight from Laura..........

(These daily reports have intentionally left in the Banished ones own words, so everyone will truly know who wrote it, and whos thoughts they are...)

Day 1

Today was the day Laura poffed away .. and an object whit an ID number L-1107 was rezed , The rezing prosess was scary , but fun at the same time.. I feel werry safe Mistress Giri so i dont worry about what will happend i know iam in werry good hands.

This is the first day for L-1107, i will try to be OOC now, will not rp this diary.. A few days ago i did ask mistress if she wanted to turn me in to an Latex pet, i did it because i have been feeling werry submisive in rl and sl.. and for the last mounts in sl my role has been werry doming so i think this will help me a little to be a better Pet and an better switch, cant not explane why so i willnot trye to..

well how was my fist day as the object L-1107.. Its wird but iam enjoing myself atm but the hardest part today was been ingored by an werry good friend, that did make me sad in the begining but think that is one of the things i have to larn to live whit .. i did never think this was going to be easy, and that is the onely thing iam sure about atm .. but iam doing well .. have no idea what will happend in the future dont wanna know that anyway ..

As a Mistress of Second-Life I have 7 real Pets in my family. My most senior pet is Squeak and has the title "1st Pet". Squeak has been with me since I first became a Mistress in Second - Life and i couldnt imagine my Second-Life without her. Squeak is very loyal, loveable, loving, i could go on and on, but you get the idea. I so much adore Squeak. she is my right arm, I love Squeak as I do all my pets of SL, but she has a very special place in my heart that would cause it to break if I had to be in SL without her. Squeak has aquired the nickname of "Aunty Squeak", to this I say, "Aunty Squeak" is that evil Aunt that everyone has, but she does creative nasty, evil and fun sexual things to those she torments...

My next pet has the name slave, but to me she is Laura. Laura is the second pet that joined me and has the title of 2nd Pet. Laura to has aquired a nickname "Evil Miss Laura" Laura like the majority of my pets is what we in SL call a switch. A switch is a person whom is both Domme and submissive and Laura is one of the MOST Domme and most submissive pets I know. When she is Domme, she is truely evil and to be feared, when she is submissive she is like putty you can mold into anything. Laura is a very special person and my pet.

Tina was the third pet to join my family. Tina is very unique, I call her my "Ir-Repressible Tina" because she like a Energizer Bunny, she is totally unstopable and always going and going and going. Tina has had a few bumbs in the family, but the Gritzi Family would from this time forward be imcomplete if Tina was to not be in it for any reason.

Janiel was next to join my family, Janiel has the nickname "Kitty" because she is a Goth-Neko Kitten. I had never seen a Goth-Neko Kitten, but I can tell you Janiel is the best one I have ever seen or met. Janiel is a PURE Bondage lover, when she isnt locked in shackles or handcuffs and tightly gagged, she is securely strapped very tight in a modified KDC Strait-Jacket. If i was to be street blunt Janiel would be called a BONDAGE-SLUT. She lives to be tightly bound and taken care of.. (hmmmmm (Thought bubble) ..... come to think about it ....... sounds like a lot of my close friends) Well back to Janiel. I dont see a lot of Janiel, but when I do its most certainly a bright spot in my day.

Millie was my fifth pet, I cant really say much about Millie, she became my pet and then somehow lost her way. While I still lay claim to Millie, after all I felt enough of her to take her into my family, I'll not disown her... she is lost in the real-world some where and I hope someday she finds her way home, until she does she shall be loved and missed.

Kekoa was my sixth pet. Kekoa is called Kitten by me, and she is a true Kitten. While she is submissive to me and loves me dearly, she is head-strong and very vocal and direct with her thoughts. With Kekoa, you will always know where you stand with her, if she doesnt like you, she wont play the smile to the face and bite the ass game. Kekoa, like Squeak has become one of my very close and personal confidants.. Kekoa, since the day I took your ass, I own you and will never allow you to leave nor escape me... you may try and struggle, but your kitty ass belongs to me.. now and forever.

Carro, my Pink latex cutie. I think I have known Carro the longest, but she resisted me for nearly 6 months before I finally wrangled her into the formal family. Carro wont admit it openly, but she is a true switch 50/50. She absolutely loves to be bound, caged and tormented by someone she loves and respects, but if you are not careful she will quickly turn the tables and have you bound, in a cage and being tormented by her. Carro resisted me for so long because she said she feard me, she said I could see her every desire and fear of bondage and restraint in Second-life.... Actually this may be true, but all I did was do to her the very things that I truly desired and feared deep down in my soul.

Ok folks let get this out.
I read the story "Eudeamon" (You can read it there : www.evil-dolly.com/Eudeamon.doc) about 10 days ago, (I found it on my sister Marines Blog page (www.realrestraint.blogspot.com)) and it has given me a lot to think about and consider. The experience truely isnt sexual from what I have read, but it is such a compelling experience, fantasy, or whatever, it draws me and others like me to it like a moth to a flame.The idea of TOTAL isolation scares the hell out of me, but thrills me, makes my body tingle just at the thought of such an experience, and I dont just mean in Second Life.. I mean it even has some pull on me in what we Second-Lifers call First-Life. I very much envy S-6734, i so plan on talking to her when her Bane sentence is concluded... I "NEED" to hear what she experienced a description from her point of view. But what really scares me is that she wont be able to describe it and those of us who are drawn to this experience, but not really ready for it, will leap before they are truely ready and have a terrible experience.. However, for those of us who are ready.. put that Eudeamon in my head, lock me up, seal that suit... let the isolation begin!!!!